Blindfolded

What am I defending

With my words of apology

My own pride and image

My inner most doubts?

Who am I fooling

When my peace becomes argument

And my reason becomes my vengeance

Who am I persecuting

Those who disagree with what I believe

Or myself?

Both?

I try to create

For love of this world

To express myself

Yet it is only a matter of time

Until it becomes just another weapon

In my desperate defense

Of what I fear to lose

I wonder what I have gained

What growth I have truly achieved

Since my walk in the darkness

Through valleys of shadow

Has this Light I discovered

This Truth I embraced

Become my companion in the dark

Or my excuse to stop fighting

My own ineptitude?

I don't understand why everything I do

Becomes just another tool

In my defense

This poem is aweful

Stiff and redundant

My sloth is obvious

My ignorance is plain

I constrict my mind

And blind my heart

With a desperation I do not understand

I analyze everything

Or criticize perhaps

Tearing it down

Making it intellectual

Nothing is comfortable

I am never truly fine

Everything becomes another anxiety

Another obsessive imperfection

I cannot write or read

I cannot speak or learn

No one knows me

Nor I myself

I don't know what to do.

Yet the Light shines bright

But the path seems so dark

My eyes so clouded

I cannot see the steps ahead,

What I am supposed to do

Or how to do it

I can only wait

For it to be made known to me

How best I can serve

My Light and my Love

I can say no more

Will it ever be right?